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Rating: stars

All movies seen on 10/24/2011

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Cheerleader Ninjas (2002)

Directed by Kevin Campbell

Comedy

Overview

Four perky, clueless cheerleaders from the Happy Valley High Hamsters are mistakenly blamed by the meddling Church Ladies for the invasion of the “Internet smut” into their children’s bedrooms. The Church Ladies hire Stephen, a sexually ambiguous teacher from the local Parochial Reform School, to teach the cheerleaders a lesson. But the cheerleaders have more than Stephen to worry about…lurking in the shadows is Mr. X, an evil mastermind who is using the cheerleaders as guinea pigs to test his Internet Zombie Domination software!

Length 91 minutes

Actors

Kira Reed Lorsch | Angela Brubaker | Jeff Nicholson | Renee Deemer | T. Scott Becker | Jared Brubaker | Donr Sneed | Adam Burns | Matthew Mertz | Lee Schinagl

Viewing History (seen 1 time)

Viewing Notes

Once upon a 2009, I got drunk and watched NINJA CHEERLEADERS, a solid B-movie about…well it’s self-explanatory. So, imagine my surprise when I found its 2002 spiritual predecessor in everything but comedy: CHEERLEADER NINJAS, a solid G-movie. I can’t believe I finished watching it; this movie just makes me mad.

CHEERLEADER NINJAS reads is as if someone thought they were channeling the THE NAKED GUN, but instead channeled every Bulk and Skull moment from POWER RANGERS, compressed them into 96 minutes and then subtracted 100 IQ points. This Gatling gun of supposed gay, fart and masturbation “jokes” comes across as a 15-year old’s ploy to get Playboy “star” Kira Reed naked in front of him in real life by putting together an indie “comedy.” As a bonus, it also sports one of the most offensive gay characters of all time, made so by a straight man trying to play a gay man. Oh, and Asians get made fun of too for good measure.

To say that there weren’t any funny moments in the movie would be a lie, but even a blind, deaf, mentally handicapped, short bus-riding, double amputee squirrel finds a nut once in a while; I can recall a distinct half chuckle.

CHEERLEADER NINJAS flies past Terrible, blasts through Intentionally Terrible, enters a wormhole through Fun Terrible, and ends up in an alternate dimension of Terrible that is even more horrible than the first universe.

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